I have been thinking lately about what I want to do with my life. I do want to be an interpreter, yes. But, I don’t know. It’s hard to describe.

I am very… I can’t think of the word. Easily influenced, change my mind a lot. It’s kind of late, and I had school today, so my brain is a bit fried. I go through jags, as I have mentioned before. Sign language and knitting are the only things that have stuck around for any length of time, really. More generally, I like personal histories, and I want to travel, but I have only been to two states (though it may be three this summer), never been out of the country.

Sometimes I think ASL has worn out it’s welcome in my intrest-o-meter, and the only reason I am still taking classes with it is because 1) I don’t know what else I would/could do and 2) I picked my JC because of it. I feel like I should, but I really don’t know anymore.

Right now, I am planning on going through the interpreter program, graduating with my Certificate or AA or whatever, then transfering to a CSU to get a BA in something (you need a BA to interpret, or will soon). But I don’t know what to get it in (I may not have a choice, they may want something like Communications, if not directly Deaf/ASL related).

Maybe I think about the future too much. I have already started collecting dishes for when I move out (nowhere in the near future). I don’t want to “eat off the good plastic”, as my brother said. I want actual dishes, actual utensils, pots, pans, knives. I cook, and want to cook for myself, even though cooking for one is a bit harder. Most of the stuff I know how to make is for 2-4, sometimes with leftovers. I am already planning for things that are at least two years away. And who knows what could happen in two years?

I also feel like my coping mechanisms for stress may actually be detrimental. My way of coping with stress is to just not think about it, and write stories in my head. It started as a way to get to sleep easier, because I worry a fair amount, so I just told myself “no, you are not allowed to think about school, you will write this fanfiction tonight.” It got to the point that I don’t just confine it to the nighttime, I think about it during the day, too.

Maybe I do this because I get bored so easily. It’s not like I have had the most interesting, exciting life. My hands get bored, which is why I was knitting in Psych today. Plain sock, under my desk, bothered nobody, between taking notes. But my mind still wanders. And at inappropriate times, too. During Psych or Oceanography, something will remind me of something else, and for a few seconds before I catch myself I will be thinking about Hogan’s Heroes or some knitting pattern I have in my head that I want to design. Then I have to mentally slap myself and get back into what the teacher is saying.

I don’t know. I feel like having a good cry, but then that won’t solve anything. I’ve thought like this before, but it has always been in the middle of the week, like the night before I have school, and it’s not like I can stay up all night soul-searching.

I like learning. I find my classes very interesting, and love to learn more about it. But I am more of a “read a book and learn something” rather than a “go out and find out for yourself” type person. So I can’t see myself as an archaeologist or scientist (I hate math anyway).

I have almost a week off coming up. I want to get ahead in my reading for my classes. Maybe I can think about things then.


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5 Responses to “Introspection”

  1. dbennett Says:

    Whatever you get a degree in, ASL can be looked upon as another Language you “speak”. With ASL and another degree, you may be able to teach at a School for the Deaf. There is one in Lenexa, KS, which isn’t too far from us.

    Or you could become a guide for Deaf groups visiting places. You could organize tours for Deaf people, travel with them providing interpretive services. Or, if you don’t want to go to all the trouble of running a business, approach a successful travel agency and pitch the idea too them! Offering your interpretive services, of course. You get to travel for free while meeting and working Deaf folk.

    Just my 2¢!


  2. Stephanie Says:

    so, I’m really late reading this. sorry! But I have always thought that it’s amusing that you collect plates when you don’t know when you’ll move out exactly. Then again, my philosophy is “if I need something, it’ll show up in my life eventually”. Plus, we don’t have nearly enough space in our house for me to store my own set of cooking stuff.

    I think you have to find something you’re passionate about for your BA, and do that as well as Communications if it’s required. I don’t know, I’ve never seen you really passionate and involved in your studies, but I know that for me, when I really enjoy learning for a class or course of study, it makes it that much easier. I might look like I simply fell into German Studies, but it has always been something I’m passionate about and while I don’t know why or what, I love soaking up the knowledge in this field. And it helps. That, and having VERY demanding courses. You learn discipline of thought or you fail. Honestly, I think going to a JC was not a good idea for you, because you don’t learn how to learn as well as in a university or liberal arts school. You just take your classes, from what I’ve heard.

    I also don’t know what I’m going to do in the future though. Many people ask. I just assume that whatever is meant to be for me, will fall into place. Or I’ll have an idea and build it up into what I’m supposed to do with my life. People make the future a lot more complicated than it needs to me, IMO. It’s enough to keep up with the present and fully enjoy the now.

    • tomboy5150 Says:

      Yeah, it’s what I do. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I’m too practical, think too much about the future, too much of a safety net.

      I’m the same way with classes, if I’m interested, I get a good grade, no problem.

      With the JC, I was not ready to move away yet. I didn’t really want to do that. Plus, knowing me, and knowing that I am questioning my major now, I wouldn’t want to question it at a more expencive university. When I get into the program, I am going to get my options for my BA, and take it from there.

      Frankly, I’ve wondered about your choice to go to a college so far away. There are good colleges around here, and I’m sure one of them would have a German program. I have to admit I haven’t looked, though. I think we just have different approches, I wanted to ease my way into college and the real world, you wanted to dive head first and go for it.

  3. Stephanie Says:

    “I think we just have different approches, I wanted to ease my way into college and the real world, you wanted to dive head first and go for it.” That’s a really good way of putting it, now that I think about it. It’s kind of funny — all my life I’ve been less than enthusiastic about change and usually very cautious before doing something, but in the last couple of years I’ve definitely started diving head first into the ‘real world’.

    Different approaches. The reasons I wanted to go to a college so far away? I didn’t want to run into people I knew. I wanted to change too much without expectations. That, and I wanted to experience real winter.

  4. Mike Says:

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