Posts Tagged ‘sanity’

Hello again

January 15, 2009

Yes, I have not posted since last year, huh? Oh well. Not like anybody reads this thing anyway. ūüėÄ I don’t care, though. Whatever. It’s all good

You know those dreams where you wake up and question your sanity? Yeah, had another one of those last night. And I hate that I can only remember little bits and fragments of a dream. I wan the whole thing, dang it. They prove my insanity.


I was playing cards with some of the guys from Hogan’s Heros, (and¬†a bunch of nameless, faceless extras)¬†and we were in the “living room” area, by the TV, which changes into my room at night. It was some form of Go Fish, but with¬†regular cards. Multiple packs, because I asked somebody for the 10 of *mumblemumble*, which was what I was holding.

Yes, it was fantabulous. But I can’t understand why I would play cards with them, because I was sitting right next to Newkirk. You can’t win against him. If he doesn’t cheat, he beats you outright with skill.

I’ve stopped questioning my sanity, really. I know I’m a bit off, but that’s okay, it makes things a bit more interesting. My grandpa is utterly normal, and it’s a wonder my dad turned out as well as he did.

So yeah, I am on a Hogan’s Heroes jag right now, and along with most of my jags comes an object of affection. That object is Newkirk. You know how some people have posters of boy bands, oh my walls are plastered with pictures of Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt/ Justin Timberlake/insert famous male pretty boy here. I’m not like that.

I latch onto one thing, one time period, one… book, movie, show, anything. Before this, it was Victorian. I’ve done Lord of The Rings, Forgotten Realms (R. A. Salvatore, fantasy, magic, whatever), Pirates of The Caribbean, and now Nazi Germany/Hogan’s Heroes type, stuff. I know I’ll burn out on it after a while, but that’s okay, I get a new one pretty quick.

With these jags, I write stories. That is how I deal with stress, and how I can get to sleep at night without worrying excessivly about something I have no control over, or school, finals, whatever. I write stories in my head as I fall asleep. Sometimes it’s original fiction, sometimes fanfiction, depending on the genre. If it is open and vague, like ‘Victorian’, then it will be, generally, original fiction. If it is more specific, like my current Nazi Germany/Hogan’s Heroes one, it is usually fanfiction.

Of course, the story I am currently working on started out as original fiction, but had taken a not-so-subtle turn to fanfiction. It involves travel through time and space through the use of old military jackets, and the ensuing oddities created therein. It started when I saw people selling military jackets at antique shows, and I thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if when you put on a jacket, it took you to the time and place it was used?” The only one that really got written out at all was a Nazi German one, which sort of squiks me out a bit, just because the Nazi’s were sort of, well…¬†misanthropic¬†bastards. But, it’s okay, the Nazi that is connected with the jacket (SS or Gestapo, I’m not sure yet)¬†gets sent to the Russian Front or Poland and gets his legs blown off by a grenade tossed into his car and dies. ūüėÄ So, that’s fun.

But I have noticed that my main characters (female generally, I’m female, and that’s what I know) have a tendency to have something really dark about them. This character, when she puts on a jacket, tends to be some sort of war nurse. So, she has seen a lot of grisly, bloody deaths, including WWII and Vietnam. Vietnam as a field nurse, I believe. So she gets all these nightmares, but only when she has the proverbial/actual jacket on. When she’s in Now, she’s fine, it’s like she has watched a bunch of movies, but when she’s in Then, she is a total screw up. Major issues, as you can imagine, because she has seen several wars, and was part of them.

That brings me back to my own sanity. I didn’t have a difficult childhood. I have never been abused.¬†I have not seen someone die, nor have I experienced anything traumatic in my lifetime. My life is boring, and I am grateful of it. Like the curse I got from Discworld, “May you live in interesting times!” ‘Interesting’ usually means war, or something bad. I’ll take boring, thank you very much.

But that still brings into question why my characters are so screwed up. One of them is/was in an abusive relationship, and has ‘Battered Woman’s Syndrome’, or whatever it’s called. She gets beat and hurt, but loves her husband anyway. This one now essentially has PTSD, but in a twisted, warped-to-suit-my-own-needs kind of way. One looses her best friend and possible love intrest (he was shot, as was she, but she lived), and looses her religion, in a very pissed off way. Another’s parents are killed in a car accident, and then (LOST fanfiction bit here) is in a plane crash. Major stress causes her to loose her hearing temporarily, so the entire time she is on the island she is signing. One is a were-vampire. That one is a sort of urban fantasy thing. Mom was a vampire, dad is a werewolf. Mom was staked by dad, because she was a Bad vampire.

Most of my characters have lost parents, or been through some traumatic event, or something. And I have no explanation.